Lost & Confused

(written June 5th)

I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do. I've been lost before but this time it's much different. You see when my father was killed, NTAC agents, Tom Baldwin & Diana Skouris came down personally to handle his case. Apparently their boss at the time, Nina Jarvis, was fascinated by the case of Heather Tobey and when it was found out that my father had a similar ability to hers, she liked how her agents handled Heather's case so she sent them over a thousand miles away from Seattle to handle my father's death, as well as the death of my mother and sister.

I remember the evening clearly, it was a few days later that they had begun to wrap up their investigation and they came to my house while I was packing things in boxes; unsure at the time about what to do with most of it since there was so much stuff. Well they came over and we had a lengthy chat. They knew that my father had used his ability on me and that because of it, because of the potential that I had in me that was released, they knew I was smarter than the average teenager my age.

We continued to talk and it was then that they offered me the job of becoming an NTAC agent, actually it was the suggestion of their boss, Nina Jarvis. It was May 7th, 2007- just a week before I took Promicin. They told me that should I decide to take the job then I would be more than welcome to it and that should I need time to decide, then the offer would stand on the table.

Even now I am still considering it. I have read the books they've given me, and I have taken the shooting practices, and I have even answered the tests. Now the only thing left to do is send them in. Yet I am still deciding.

Kai doesn't think it's such a great idea. He despises the government as well as NTAC. He thinks that the only thing that will come if I take this job is that it will end badly.I heard him the other night. He thought I was asleep in the bedroom but I wasn't. He was in the sitting room reading a book but I knew he wasn't reading. I was able to tune into his thoughts and they were so negative (I won't mention what they were here.)I love Kai with all my heart but I can't help but think that he will stop loving me should I decide to take the job. I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I have always followed my instincts and they have lead me on the right path.

Right now there are two paths to take: on one of them my instincts are telling me to take the job at NTAC but on the other path a part of me can't help but think that I should reject the job so I don't disappoint Kai.What am I suppose to do?(and since when did I become one of those girls who gives up her life for a guy? Then again, Kai did give up his life to be with me so maybe I should be considerate and do the same thing for him.)

I want this job more than anything but at the same time I don't want to loose Kai either.