"The Great Leap Forward"

A new world has dawned upon us. Seattle is gone and in its place is Promise City. A town which I thought I had left behind. I do know one thing, I'll never under-estimate Jordan Collier again. Maybe he isn't as bad as I once thought him to be.

Things at NTAC have been kind of crazy since that Promicin Flu. My partner, Aaron Roy is gone. He was one of the unfortunate ones. After a time he came to appreciate myself as well as other P+ so it's strange to think he is no longer here. It's amazing to think that there is now no distinction between the government and P Positives as they have become one in the same. All of those who survived are P+. What becomes of NTAC now? We can't arrest ourselves especially considering the director of NTAC is a P+ herself.

I saw the news: Jordan Collier along with Kyle Baldwin were standing at city hall. I have to say that I did kind of enjoy Collier's message. Now that he's not the bad guy that I once thought him to be, I don't know maybe we might just be able to achieve something good, something positive.

Even though it wasn't Jordan's intent for Promicin to spread as it did, Danny Farrell is a hero in my eyes. It might have cost 9,000 people their lives but a whole new 9,000 have abilities. Miracles are now going to truly start happening in this world.

I don't know what will happen with my job at NTAC but I do know that now I am ready to help in the movement. I will be there for NTAC: for Megan, Marco, Tom, and Diana but at the same time now that at least two of them have developed abilities, I no longer feel ashamed of having one of them myself- despite mine wasn't forced.

Miracles are gonna start happening and it's time to be apart of it!

Re-instated at NTAC

Well the good news is that I have gotten my job back at NTAC. I had a talk with Diana Skouris the night before I went in several days ago and explained to her about my return. She was a little skeptical at first considering that my situation wasn't like hers or Tom's. The fact that I was a rogue P+ and that I had just up and left my priorities at NTAC to go galavanting in Promise City. I understood her point of view and I respected her for it but I had to at least try.

Being in Doyle's office was a little nerve wreaking as I feared there was a high percentage of me not being welcomed back. Thankfully those fears were put to rest. I am on an indefinate probation and some of my pay will be reduced but other than that, there is no prison or Promicin Inhibitor. I was surprised at the last part; however Doyle's exact words were, "You're too valuable to be put on the inhibitor." Guess they really must need someone to get into people's heads.

To be honest I am really glad I'm back at NTAC. It feels right being there. Being at Promise City felt off and now I know why. Jordan Collier is no longer in charge of the center as he was taken by Isabelle Tyler. At least that's the word that I've been getting from some flying creatures. I want to say they are wrong but I know they are not. Never have I been lied to by any of the animals before so why would they be lying to me now?

Mists of the Summer Sea

The sun is going down, there is a small breeze and a duck floating on by. As I sit here by the water, I contemplate on my life. I took Promicin as a way to continue on with my father's work but with these constant changes being made by Jordan Collier and his non-blood son, Kyle Baldwin, the work I sought out only seems further away. His work seems to have become lost, "lost forever in the mists of the Summer Sea" as the saying goes in the book "The Mists of Avalon" by Marion Zimmer Bradley.

I feel that somewhere along the way of this journey, I have lost myself. I too feel that I am "lost forever in the mists of the Summer Sea." I was out on an assignment from Jordan Collier on August 16th and I was to return that Saturday. I did not. I no longer feel myself apart of the movement as I once did. I admire Jordan Collier but now I'm starting to question things, Kyle Baldwin and his ability in particular. While I was no in Promise City at these directed times, my sources have told me terrible things. They tell me that Kyle's ability wants to get Shawn out of the race and to stop him and Kevin Burkhoff from continuing with their project on finding a way who can develop abilities and who cannot. My sources tell me that Cassie's tone was full of evil and despise and hatred. They tell me that there is something not right: with the entire movement. On my own, now that my ability has very much advanced, I have been witness to some of this.

I have now decided that it's time for me to go back to NTAC. I made a rash decision in thinking that I could go off and join Jordan Collier and his new religion. I have a God and it is not Collier, he to me is not a messiah no matter what people may think. Going back to NTAC won't be an easy task. I will be questioned and detained. I will be given the inhibitor. Now there's the question, am I really willing to risk taking a shot that can supress my Promicin ability? To be honest that answer is no. I took Promicin and it is going to be in my system for the rest of my life, there is no going back to when I didn't take the shot. I have to gain back the trust of NTAC and if I have to take the inhibitor to do so then I see I have no choice. I am tired of being "lost forever in the mists of the Summer Sea." My mind has been cleared and my priorities are now my own and I feel that working at NTAC is what I must go back to do. The movement is getting too heated and I need to distance myself from the flames.

Will other 4400s and P+ see me as a traitor? No. And I tell you why, I have a friend who has the ability of getting rid of your identity to the rest of the world. No other 4400s or P+ will know that I have ever been to Promise City. To them I'm just another face in the crowd.

If this is true, then why you ask, am I willing to go into NTAC with them knowing who I am? It's simple- it's the right thing to do. With them I am ready to live up to the consequences. The only difference is that by betraying the 4400 & P+, those consequences could have a deadly effect should someone decide to use their ability on me. There is no death sentence over my head at NTAC.

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood

I know I haven't been around much. I appologize for that. Things have just gotten more complicated in my life. Jordan Collier sent me away from Promise City as a way that I might be able to do some good and talk to people about his and Kyle Baldwin's message.

As expected, very few people disagree with Collier and what he's trying to do. As a result I have had to keep a low profile now that I am on NTAC's radar (maybe I shouldn't have quit afterall) There have been a few wins though as there are some people whom I've been able to convince to go to Promise City, people with abilities.

I have been using my ability cautiously. The animals have been very helpful and with my telepath ability, I've been able to uncover some very interesting news. I met with Imroth (the guy who my ex-coworkers) belived to have been one of "The Marked". Getting into his mind has been quite valuable though I cannot say more than that. What I can say is that my ex-coworker is no longer who he seems to be.

On an upside, I ran into my husband, Kai! Turns out the military has no more use for him and so he has been going on his own here in the states to help those he can and fix their amputated limbs. I don't know why he would hide from me and not tell me that he was here. My guess is that the military wanted me to believe he was dead or MIA. Something has changed in him though, I don't know what it is. He seems so distant now, so closed off. Maybe with my ability I can figure out what's wrong.

I have to go now. My life has now taken another change so computer time will soon be limited. Collier has given me my next assignment and this one will be more dangerous than the previous ones.

PJ- The Theory Room Guy

Late this evening I was informed by Diana Skouris through an e-mail regarding one of the NTAC theory room guys, PJ.

From the details he had taken Promicin two months ago back when it was being introduced to the world. The ability he ended up with was that in the subconcious he could create virtual realities. Diana didn't give specifics but she did say that PJ had created a virtual game with a lot of the high stakes people involved with NTAC and the 4400.

(that would explain why I couldn't get in to see Collier, Kyle, or Isabelle today)

PJ got in a lot of trouble and unfortunately is being held at a prision cell at NTAC. I heard he tried to make a run for Promise City but he got caught.

I feel sad for PJ. He had taken Promicin and worked at NTAC without anyone knowing and now he must rot in a cell for who knows how long.

On some level, I am glad that I quit the job while I was ahead. I know Megan Doyle didn't like the fact that I was a P Positive and from her thoughts, she was getting set to toss me in the prison cell too, especially when she found out from Abram Eliot that I had helped him to escape the first time we had him in custody. It's better for me this way.

I just wish PJ luck despite his freedoms taken away. Clearly he will be given the Promicin Inhibitor and I feel terrible for him.

Do I blame NTAC or Skouris or Baldwin? No of coarse not. They are not the ones to blame. It's the central governments fault since they passed these lame laws in the first place.

Final Decision

Yesterday, August 4th, I finally came to a decision. I decided to join Jordan Collier and his cause.

All week I had been arresting Promicin Positives. One of the P+ I arrested was a friend of mine, Abram Eliot. I had caught him a while back and my partner and I helped him to escape. I couldn't look the other way this time. As I observed my actions of the past week, it all felt wrong. The job at NTAC wasn't what it used to be (at least for me). I thought going into this I could somehow become a bridge between NTAC & the 4400/P+ but it didn't turn out that way. I felt disgusted with what I was doing. So after work on Friday, I turned in my badge and my gun. I didn't tell my boss why I was quitting. I had told Diana Skouris the night before and while she didn't like my decision, she wouldn't question it or help me turn the other way.

I'm a P+ and it's time I do something about it.

Three things that were said by Jordan Collier stayed in my mind:

1.) Change is painful and comes with a cost.

2.) For too long those of us with special gifts, 4400s and non-4400s have had to conceal our abilities. The time for hiding is over and the time for miracles has begun.

3.) For those willing to join us, we welcome you. All you need is an ability and the willingness to be apart of a miracle.

I will no longer hide who I am. Whatever needs to get done or whatever task Collier or Kyle assign me I will do it. No more running from my destiny. No more hiding. I am a Promicin Positive and it's time I live up to who I am.

Directions

I went into NTAC today and sure enough my boss reinstated me. You'd think I'd be happy about it and maybe I would be if the circumstances were different. I said thank you to my boss and then went to my office. Ray was out in the field so I was fortunate enough to close the door and put my head down on the desk for a while.

I have come to a fork in the road and I'm not sure which path to take.

Last night, Jordan Collier made an announcement on tv. There were some things that he said that really captured my attention such as these two critical statements:

"For too long those of us with special gifts, 4400s and non-4400s have had to conceal our abilities. The time for hiding is over and the time for miracles has begun."

"For those willing to join us, we welcome you. All you need is an ability and the willingness to be apart of a miracle."

I work for NTAC so there are times that I forget that I am also a Promicin Positive. I love my job, I really do but is this what my father would have wanted of me? To enforce the laws and arrest other P.Positives? I thought that by working at NTAC, I could somehow be a bridge between NTAC and 4400s/P.Positives but now I'm not so sure. What have I done that constitutes as merits for both sides?

Jordan's message last night, really made me see things in a different way. It made me want to help out his cause. He has been here in Seattle for a while and as much as I had wanted to find him in the past, now here's my chance and instead I hide away. I hide behind the wall that is NTAC.

Ever since I first developed my ability, all I have been doing is using it for my personal use and on a recreational basis but I've never really made a difference with it. Now I'm starting to think the time has come to come out from behind the wall.

The only dilema is: if I do decide to help Collier what will happen to my future at NTAC? If Jordan Collier is one of the good guys, which I believe he is, what does that make the government? And most importantly what does it make NTAC? If I go through with this can I give it the old cloak and dagger routine where I end up having a double identity? I'm no superhero so how would that even work?

I talked to Diana Skouris last night. She told me what her daughter Maia had done. In a way I was proud of what Maia did. She's just a little kid yet she had more courage than I could ever hope to have. Diana understands my position and unfortunately this is a choice I must make on my own. It's easy for her to talk to Maia about all of this because she's her daughter- I'm just a neighbor and friend. Sometimes I wish I still had my parents around to help point me in the right direction. The closest person I have in my life at the moment is Diana Skouris since I see her on an everyday basis but there is only so much she can do in the advice giving field. I appreciate her for doing her best and I am grateful that she has been there. Not even Kai can help since he's so far away.

I have some idea as to what I want to do but what I want and what I have to do are two different things. I will see how the day goes at NTAC and then just maybe things will seem much clearer. I just have to ask myself: If I decide to follow Collier, am I ready to give up my career as an NTAC agent?

Carter Samson: The Leak

During my suspension, it gave me time to work on a case that was pro bono. I was determined to find out the person that leaked out my information on "The Marked". I was told personally by my boss to let NTAC handle it but there was no way I was going to trust the agents she had put in charge. I read their thoughts and I knew they weren't going to put any effort into it. They were agents who didn't like that a Promicin Positive was working for NTAC. So I did what I naturally do, I took matters into my own hands.

I left Seattle on Wednesday (since I got a video message from Kai on Tuesday). We talked and he told me he saw the paper that contained the little leak. He understood what I had planned to do.

On Weds. I made my way down South, hoping that I would have some kind of lead. It was on Thursday when an article was printed in a local paper from Phoenix, AZ that I knew I had my guy.

I followed the trail and thanks to some family of his, I was able to follow Carter to Sacramento, California. I found him just where his aunt said he would be. We talked a bit but all of it was just more lies. Carter and I had dated in high school. I had always liked him and personally I didn't want to leave high school without having a boyfriend because then I would come to believe there was something wrong with me.

After a while, I came to see what was truly infront of me: that Carter Samson was a born liar. And now with my ability in reading his thoughts, I knew that everything he was saying was a lie. He didn't want the world to know my thoughts on certain issues- him thinking that those thoughts could change the world. What he wanted was fame and glory. And most of all to get back at me for breaking up with him. That was what he really wanted.

When we first met up, Samson and I gave each other a hug (in which I inserted a little micro chip that I had been working on that can record a person's thoughts). That micro chip transmits those thoughts into a microchip I have on my cerebral cortex. When I take the chip out of me, all of a person's thoughts are inside my microchip. I've been working on it for weeks and I finally got it to perfection.

As we talked, him through lies of coarse, by reading his mind I was able to find that he had been getting back at every girlfriend of his since high school by getting into their heads and pullling out vital information and sending it to the papers.

When I finally decided I had enough, I told Samson to close his eyes and that I would give him something that he could always remember me for (he thought I would come back to him and kiss him.) Instead, I pulled out a syringe filled with the Promicin Inhibitor and injected it into his arm. At least now his ability is contained and he can't get into anyone's head anymore. He can get into video games but that's about it and even then it's difficult for him to do.

I called the California NTAC division and within minutes they arrived and took Carter Samson away.

On Monday I plan to go back to NTAC in hopes that my boss will lift my suspension now that Carter Samson has been caught. I even plan to show her the evidence from the microchip so hopefully that will give me double the points (so to speak).

I'll just have to wait and see in the meantime. Luckily this weekend, I have several boat tours lined up to keep me busy.

"X" Marks the Spot

How does this happen?! I posted a memo on what I thought was a secure Promicin Positive site and now my exact words have found their way into the local paper! How does this happen?! My words were on none other than a group of people known as "The Marked". I dare not repeat the words here.

Will there be consequences? I have no doubt that there will be. I don't know how it got into the papers but I make a promise to the person who did this: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE & I WILL FIND YOU!

Get ready my video game freak: We went to high school together and I know it was you. Getting back at me like this won't work.

First Kill

It finally happened. I finally shot and killed someone. And not just anyone- this person I killed was none other than my uncle Ash Milano. I keep telling myself that the reasons were justified and that I was just doing my job. The funny thing about this that I hated my uncle so much because of who and what he was yet I still feel bad for the fact that I had to kill him.

The event happened on TuesdayJuly 17th:

I was in the office working on some files when my partner came in and handed me a file flat on the desk. I opened it and sure enough it was Ash. 60+ years old and that stupid SoB took Promicin. Just when I thought he wasn't bad enough he goes and does something like that.

My uncle wasn't a great guy. He was a gangster and all around violent person. Killing people, abusing them, raping them. Taking Promicin only helped to make him more violent. His ability, NTAC had come to name was the "Ash Death". His name was Ash so his ability name lived up to it. With his hand, it would turn red and once it did he would lay his hands on a person and they would heat up so much (and painfully I might add) that within seconds they would crumble to ashes.

We got a lead on where Ash was at and then the cops managed to capture him without getting burned. I and my partner showed up. Tom Baldwin & Diana Skouris came as backup. I didn't want anyone else handling it so I took over.

I tried to talk to him but of coarse it didn't work. He said that he saw the anger and hatred in me and he said that I was like him. I am nothing like him!

Some of the agents started surrounding him and then a few of the agents got too close. Diana Skouris was one of them. Ash held her hostage so with my ability, I took off my glove to produce a shark. I tossed it at the hand Ash was using on Diana and the shark easily bit his hand off before he had a chance to burn it. The pain phased him a little but not so much since he's had worse pain in his life. Skouris was able to escape but there was still another agent to worry about. I called out for Seahawk and he came and started pecking Ash's head. It worked but Ash soon had the upper hand and vaporised my bird.

While still holding the other agent hostage, Ash had finally had enough and with his hand vaporised the agent just as I shot him point blank in the chest. My only problem: I couldn't stop shooting. I kept shooting Ash until my clip ran out. I wanted to make sure he was dead. He had abused my grandparents, his sisters, even his many wifes and children (both male and female). I wanted to make sure that he was dead and that nothing in this world could revive him. Diana had to come and put my hand down to stop shooting.

As grateful as I am to Jordan Collier for giving out Promicin (without it I would not have an ability) but at the same time I always forget that we aren't in Utopia yet. There are still those who take Promicin so they can have an ability to enhance the evil that they all ready are. Ash is proof of that evil.

The fact that he's dead makes things better but the fact that I could not stop myself from shooting is what scares me. And also the fact that Tuesday was the first time I ever had to use my ability as a defense mechanism also scares me.

I understand that I was simply doing what had to be done. Especially because I was on the job and he had killed an agent so by law as part of my job it was allowed for me to do whatever necessary to stop the killer.

But still, I experienced two firsts: using my ability to stop a bad man and also using my gun and having license to kill and now I'm not sure what the future will ask of me next. Will there be more killing- there is no doubt in my mind. The main question I have to ask myself is: the next time I am faced with having to kill someone, will I be able to stop and control myself?

The EP 4400 Center

(Written on July 13th)

The new 4400 Center opened today. Jasper had the honor of cutting the ribbon as he will be the one to run the place.

There was a huge turn out; over 500 people.

Yesterday (July 12th), with Jasper's permission, I gave Ria a job. She will still be able to attend her classes at the University as well as her ROTC obligations as well as have time to study but when she has time, she will be getting a fully paid salary as well as benefits. Her job will entail counseling to adolescents as well as adults who haven't had a great life and in which there has been much darkness for them. She will use her ability only if it is deemed absolutely necessary during a session.

As for the EP4C, things are looking up.

I have 3 hopes:

1.) That Ria is able to help my cousin, Lana Keith. I have sent a letter to my aunt saying that if my cousin does not report to the first counceling at the appointed date, then I legally have the right to report to Child & Protective Services about the home situation

2.) That the Center does well enough so they will rarely have to rely on me

3.) That I never in my life have to come back to this town

Ria Contoras

(written on July 12th)

After doing my part in today's basic training for the new employees, I decided to walk the grounds for a little while. As I was walking, I made my way to the visitors center where I saw a friend of mine: Ria Contoras.

She and I went to the same high school. Ria was always a good friend. She gave me my first Star Wars Galactic Heroes (since I never got around to getting any myself). They were a Christmas gift since we did a secret Santa in our health class. She got me. There was always something to talk about. A born military brat, Ria was part of the JROTC and has continued so now that she will be starting university.

I asked Ria what she was doing at the Center since it didn't open until tomorrow. We went outside to talk:

_________________________________________________

"I heard you were in town so I thought I would just drop by. When you left there was no goodbye, no forwarding address, you even changed your e-mail addresses, not even the family you still have knew where you went."

"I know," I replied. "I'm sorry about that."

"People have been really worried about you."

"I find that a little hard to believe since I was a loner in high school."

"You had friends," she replied back.

"Most of which are dead now. At least the ones I was really close to."

"I heard: they all had the courage to take Promicin. They looked up to you, you know. They followed you despite the risks."

"I wish they hadn't; now look where it's got them- a hole in the ground where seldom people will ever visit."

"Not all of them," Ria said to me.

"You took Promicin?" I asked her.

"A few weeks ago." She said with a smile, "I was terrified but I thought of you: I'd heard about the work you were doing- those stories people were talking about from their Island Adventure boat tours and I knew that if I wanted to do the good work like you were doing, then I had to take that risk."

"If you had died," I said, "I would have hated you but more so, I would have hated myself. You're one of the few friends I actually have left. So what ability did you get? I mean I know it's not about getting an ability, it's about making a difference but I am curious."

"I'm a light spotter."

"Mind explaining that one?"

"You know how a criminal will go confess his sins to a priest; my ability is similar to that. In bad people I see this sort of light, a light of goodness. When I touch a bad person I'm able to get rid of most of the dark energy so that the light can flourish instead. Once I've done that it's up to them if they want to continue letting the light shine or if they want to go back to letting the darkness in."

"That's impressive. Although don't a majority go back into the darkness. There's so much of it in this world that light sometimes seems a little dimmer."

"I've had a few cases where they go back to the darkness but I have a 90 percentile where they continue letting the light grow. All ready some people I've touched have made small differences in their lives: helping a woman carry groceries to her car, going to parks to clean up, using ozone free products, not standing by as a person get's assulted, opening the door for someone with a smile. Basically little things that we take for granted. Once their ready I'm sure they'll step up to the plate to handle the bigger stuff."

"That's great, Ria. I'm proud of you."

________________________________________

So Ria has a neat ability. I'm really glad she wasn't one of the unlucky ones from taking the shot. And her ability might just come in handy some day. We'll have to wait and see. I do see good things for her though.

Like most Promicin Positives, there will be a lot of challenges to face but knowing Ria, she will pass them with flying colors. There will be times when she get's discouraged, when she questions if taking Promicin was the right thing but this is a process that Promcin Positives go through. It's become a natural phase for us. And like most Promicin Positives, Ria will come to accept her ability, accept herself, and accept the work she accomplishes, she will even come to accept the bad stuff that she stumbles apon.

It's all apart of the process of being a Promicin Positive.

My Week at the New Center

(Written on July 11th)

I'm here in Texas doing the mission Shawn Farrell has asked of me. I arrived on Monday to the Center. So many people were gathered despite the fact that the Center doesn't open until Friday.

I walked inside and was greeted by a man by the name of Jasper Johnson. He will be the one to run the Center once I leave. I ran a quick test on him to see if he was Promicin Positive and sure enough he was:

His ability: He can cure mental illnesses. Anything from depression, PTSD, Post Partum depression, BPD, Bipolar disorder to even more severe cases such as Mental Retardation.

Jasper was telling me that Heather Tobey had a personal team sent out here to look at potential candidates for running the Center. They either had to be a 4400 or Promicin Positive. They had over 200 applicants, most P+'s. Johnson was the most qualified: at 38 yrs. old, before taking Promicin, Johnson got a degree in Psychology as well as a teaching degree for Special Ed. His father had suffered from PTSD, he had a brother who was MR, and a sister who was Bipolar. When he was a kid, he was always going out of his way to learn about mental illnesses and helping people (young & old) who were MR. He even helped out in the Special Olympics every year from the time he was 10.

After taking Promicin, he soon found out he could cure mental disorders after he was able to heal his sister. Her Bipolar disorder is completely gone and she no longer has any episodes or is on any medication. She's a normal young woman.

After the bit of history, it quickly became my job to set up interviews with potential security guards, and secretaries. Other staff members interviewed for other positions as well. We did call backs the same night so they could report to work on Tuesday.

On Tuesday, my job involved getting security together. There were 50 new employees in total and all 50 showed up (30 m; 20 f.) I went over the rules of conduct and then issued out the guns, badges, ear pieces, and uniforms. All other employees were set in place as well.

In the evening, we had a conference with all employees. This conference was a good opportunity for Johnson. His crowds will be much larger in the future but this was a nice start. He conducted himself very professionally. The way Shawn Farrell would. Only difference is that because of Johnson's age, he had a more professional quality and more experience. We asked them questions and if they answered "no" to one of them, they were dismissed. None were dismissed.

On Weds. it will consist of basic training as well as on Thurs. Fri. the Center will be ready for opening.

I will be a way for a while. Instead of leaving on a job for NTAC, I have been given an assignment by Shawn Farrell himself.

He has asked me to go to some town in Texas (a place called El Paso). There are a few original 4400's and now there are even more Promicin Positives. There are no safe places or 4400 Centers. Although currently because of the rise in P+ the city thought it was time to invest in creating one. It has been under construction for several months.

Shawn has asked me to go and help them set things up for about a week. He wants me to create it like the center in Seattle once was when Jordan Collier first opened the place back in 2005. He knows my work with the 4400 and Promicin Positives: the talks I've given, the help I've provided, etc, so he feels I am best qualified to handle this situation and to get the ball rolling.

The P+ and 4400's of El Paso, Tx need a place like the Centers across the country so it's great that it is finally happening. I am really glad to be a part of it.

I have informed my boss on this and while she is skeptical about me helping out the Center at the same time she is also giving me permission since she has seen Shawn work and after him healing her father, she has come to trust a little on what the 4400 and Promicin Positives are doing.

As a result of telling her what my plans were, I also had the unfortunate task of telling her that I was a P. Positive. She actually took it better than I thought I would although when I get back I am grounded (so to speak). When I get back, for 2 full weeks I will be nothing but paper work and helping Marco Pacella in the Theory room. There will be no outside investigative cases. I can live with that.

I will keep a journal as to what goes on and then post them here. Until then, I wish all of you the best of luck in the things happening in your own lives. See you soon.

The Conversation

Shawn Farrell & The 4400 Center

I had the honor of meeting Shawn Farrell at the 4400 Center yesterday afternoon (July 3rd, 2007). It was difficult to get in since people were scattered everywhere, people wanting to get in to have the chance at meeting the infamous healer.

After making my way through the crowd, I read the minds of the security guards blocking the door way and then I flashed my NTAC badge at them. After getting confirmation from Shawn Farrell himself, I was allowed access. After making my way up the stairs and to his office, I put the badge away since I wasn't there representing myself as an NTAC agent. I was there representing myself as a supporter of the 4400 and as a Promicin Positive.

Shawn was hesitant in wanting to see me since he's not a big fan on those who take Promicin. I don't really blame him though. The guy had helped Jordan Collier and then found himself in a coma for 3 months. Now in that short amount of time the world has changed around him so he's having to make quick thoughts and decisions about this new found world that he missed out on for a while.

Shawn and I got to talking for a while and it ended up being better than he thought it would be. The meeting went exactly as I had hoped it would.

After the meeting I was then given a job ( I will not go into detail about these jobs I was given.)

I really don't have much of a life anymore so now what I have are 4 different jobs. I am not complaining though because it was me who asked Shawn for one job and he instead added on the other. I really hope that I am going down the right path. With 4 jobs, that will be a challenge but now I really have nothing left to loose. No family in town, my five best friends are dead, and my husband is a medic in Iraq. It will be challenging but I have the faith that I will be able to handle it. And I am not going to be letting Shawn Farrell down. He gave me these jobs and he can take them away if I don't do the jobs correctly.

I am a boat captain, I am an NTAC agent, I am a Promicin Positive, and now I am an employee at the 4400 Center. This is where my life has led me and I will not let anyone down. I will not let myself down.

(I have posted my conversation with Shawn on another blog titled "The Conversation". It is unreadable however since I decided to write it in code for security purposes. If you can read it then send me a message and title it "Code" and we can talk from there.)

24 Rushed Hours

Lately my life has consisted of one dramatic change after another. Today was no different. I know find myself married at age 18 as of yesterday evening at 1735 (5:35 pm) on July 1st,2007. Kai and I always knew we would end up married to each other, we knew the moment we met each other back in Arizona while he was working the cash register at Walmart and I was paying and on my way out. What we didn't know was how soon it would be.

And now my husband has been taken from me today.

When I came home from my camping trip, Kai wasn't home which was odd since he always is at 10 in the morning. I found my dogs in the bedroom and it was then that they told me that Kai never came home from work on Friday and that he hadn't been home all weekend. That wasn't like him.

On the answering machine, there was a message from Kai. He said that he was okay but that he was being held for questioning by NTAC.

How could this be happening?

The reason Kai was being held was because an Anti turned him in. Kai works at the rehab center at Seattle Memorial Hospital and he gives people their limbs back and helps them readjust to it. The doctors and patients there love him- not just because of what he can do with his Promicin ability but also because of the kind of person he is. They don't think that because he took Promicin that makes him a criminal.

One patient thought otherwise: a twelve year old boy who lost both his legs in a fatal car accident that killed his brother. Kai told me that the patient was giving him a real hard time- telling him that using abilities in public was illegal and all of that stuff you hear in the news. Well unfortunately the kid went back to his room and dialed the police instead of the security guards, who in turn dispatched him to NTAC.

Jed Garrity and Aaron Roy were the ones called since Tom and Diana were working on a case involving an elderly woman.

Instead of going in like I was supposed to, my only reason for showing up at NTAC was to see my boyfriend.

Before I could see him, Director Doyle pulled me aside and told me that the US Army was taking Kai's case and that Kai would no longer be in NTAC's custody after 15 hours.

I could not believe this! The US Army will be sending Kai to the front lines as a medic in Iraq. His mission: Any soldier to loose a limb while in the line of duty, Kai will be there to use his ability and replace their limbs, leaving the soldiers to be in combat longer and not have to worry about being taken out of the force and then back to the states for treatment and rehab. He will be deployed for 6 months. And where does that leave Kai? He is using his ability and helping others but over all he gets nothing out of it.

Because of this new change, Kai and I decided to call a Catholic Priest to come and do a small ceremony for us. It wasn't our dream wedding but what could we do? It was either get married now or wait for six months until he returned. We both knew we couldn't wait that long since we had started planning the wedding for August 1st.

For a few hours, they released Kai and we had time to ourselves. He left at 4 a.m. this morning.

It's a late Monday evening and I sit here alone in my apartment. I go over some case files to try to keep my mind off things but my mind always goes back to the last 24+ hours. Other than my dogs, I am now alone. I have a husband but no husband to come home to.

I have now become what most would call "An Army Wife."

Reflection

As I sit with my back against a long, the wilderness behind me and the waters edge reaching the tips of my feet, two quotes come to mind:

1.) "Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction."

2.) "By facing our challenges we discover our potential."

My life has gotten complicated to the point where death seems to be a re-occuring theme. I guess when I first started out (up until now), that was the major thing I was blind to. When I first took Promicin, the thought of death never really occured to me. I did know the risks but on some subconscious level, I was still blinded by the 50/50 odds. The reason I though I would never have the Angel of Death knocking on my door was because of the fact that my father was a 4400- I always thought that made me safe somehow. I know now that that is not true.

Now the people I know are dropping like flies. I was a loner in high school with the exception of five best friends, a cousin and her boyfriend. Of those seven- seven took Promicin and only one survived. 1 out of 7- very terrible odds.

The one thing I have learned on this retreat is that I am not going to let their deaths become meaningless. I brought candles and held a vigil for the six of them- letting the candles float on lily pads in the water.

I may not like the fact that the people I love and care for are passing away but it's like a friend once said: "We fight the pain in the present for the hope of a better future."

This is the burden we have been given. We can either hide forever in a cave with no light shinning through (which is pretty much what I've been doing on this camping retreat) or we can take the big risks and do our part to save humanity.

Before taking Promicin I had avoided any and all kinds of risks. As much as I would like to go back to my old world where everything much safer and much simpler- to a time where camping was my constant, I know now that I can't. And that in and of itself is a painful thing to accept.

Jordan Collier said it perfectly in 4 Matter-of-Fact Statements:

1.) The time for sitting on the fence is over. The time for greatness is now.

2.) Each of you has a role to play. Your only choice is whether you accept it or have it thrust upon you.

*3*.) I know it's tempting to think we can hold onto the past to everything that's safe and easy but we cannot.

4.) We are now seperated from our old lives by a gulf that can never again be reached.

So what do I do? Do I wait for my destiny to be thrust upon me or do I let go of all the fears that BearClaw pointed out and just surrender to this new world?

Do I keep holding onto the past and keep taking the camping trips to where everything is okay whenever I retreat despite the world being in turmoil or do I move forward with the difficult part of leaving my past behind?

I now know one thing: I will not hold onto the past. I have a tendency of thinking too much on the past and thinking of all of the 'what could have been's' only then to make myself miserable because life is not how I would like it to be. If I am going to be miserable then I don't want it to be because of things that have long sinced happened. That certainly is no way of living.

I must accept life as it is now and I must take responsibility for this life instead of hidding away while the rest of the world moves on. Running away might be my kind of utopia but unfortunately the world is not ready for a utopia yet. We must fix the world before any one of us is to be in a safe place. If we all cower and run away what kind of world is that? And what kind of example would we be setting- not a very good one.

The things I will hang onto are the things forever set in my heart: my family. They will come with me wherever I go no matter how dangerous it may be or no matter how scared I might get. I'm 18, I didn't ask for any of this. I should be in college right now, not trying to do my part in saving humanity. Had my family not died, then that's what would have happened but unfortunately the stakes were turned on me when someone thought the world was better off without them. I don't know what my role is in all of this but I am sure going to try to do what I can.

So once again to quote Jordan Collier:

"We move forward, always forward and into whats next.

We make a choice, we act on that choice."

And all that's left is to live in hope."

"Danger Will Robinson, Danger"

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache to the point where it sounded like a major ringing in my ears. As I begun to get control of my senses I realized it wasn't a ringing at all- it was the sound of a thousand voices all at once, animal and human a like ( I can differentiate the two because in my mind the animal thoughts come across in a green lighting while the human thoughts come across in a gray lighting. Finding out the exact person or the exact animal is much more difficult since I don't know every person or animal ont he planet.).

There were so many thoughts it was hard to make them all out. The voices were alerting me to something but what it was, I wasn't sure.

I quickly rushed out of the tent and went down to the water's edge. The air was muggy almost like fog but darker. There was a young orca out in the water splashing about. I tried to read his thoughts but with the other mulitiple thousands splashing in my own mind, I could not find out which thoughts were his. Overhead hawks and bald eagles flew, almost as if in a panicked state. Out of the wood work came a black bear- again their thoughts were unreadable. I closed my eyes trying to block out all of the human thoughts and it seemed to work. Now the thoughts were reduced to half. After getting better control I was able to focus on the 4 animals surrounding me.

The first thing I did was take the raft to swim where the young orca was. Something was bothering him and I wanted to control him before he hurt himself.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"Something happening on the mainland," was all he said. "Lot's of commotion."

The orca swam away to go have some fun. When he was out a good distance and away from the cove, he jumped three feet into the air and then splashed.

I called out to the Seahawk and he flew over towards me; his talons resting on my black glove.

"Go see what's going on for me," I said to him.

"You got it creature girl," he said and he flew off.

Ten minutes later Seahawk returned.

"What did you see?" I asked him.

"It's very bad creature girl. Something bad happened. As always Seattle is in chaos. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"If it's nothing out of the ordinary why do I hear so many thoughts? It's one major headache."

"Maybe they're trying to tell you something," said the black bear named BearClaw.

"Tell me what?" I asked.

"Creature girl, you have to go back."

"Go back, why?"

"People need you, creature girl. You have to go back."

"What if I don't want to go back?"

"What are you saying, kid?" asked the black bear who I named BearClaw.

"What if I want to stay here instead."

"You can't stay here," he replied.

"And why not?" I asked demanding an answer.

"Creature girl," said Seahawk, "You came here looking for answers and it falls upon us to provide you with those answers. This is not your world, your world is out on the mainland."
"Your father was a 4400," said Seahawk. "It was always your destiny to follow in his footsteps. He helped people and helped other 4400s and now the task has fallen to you. You were doing great at first but some how you found yourself taking the wrong tracks. Instead of being out where you're needed, you are here: no cell phone service, your laptop on the brink of death since you didn't bring an extra battery, isolated from the rest of the world."

"Well what am I supposed to do? I am an NTAC agent yes but I am also a Promicin Positive. What made me think that I could handle this?"

"You did," replied BearClaw. "When you suppressed your fears. Now those fears of you have made their way back in and they are trapping you. Release them and you'll be able to continue with what you started. You have a problem of balance: balance both and you'll be okay. You don't need your animal communicator or provision ability turned on at work so don't use it. And when your off the job you don't need to act like you're on the job. Your father would want you to continue on your mission, he wouldn't want you to hide the rest of you life. No matter how you spin it, you are hidding."

"What if I don't consider it as hidding," I asked. "I have been camping for as long as I can remember- it's become a part of who I am and without it I become sucked into the vortex that is the stress of life. That's how I've always viewed it you know- when I'm out in the woods away from everything else I can live my life without having to worry about anything. I can be free."

"As great as that is, creature girl," said Seahawk. "You're not a kid anymore. It would be different if your family were still alive because then you would go off to college and live the whole American dream and continue on with the camping traditions but that's not the case anymore. There is a new American Dream that must be lived and that is the vortex you've been sucked into. You are apart of it and the world needs you despite how minor your ability may feel sometimes. Don't let your family be disppointed in you in their after life."

"Go back," said BearClaw. "You're destiny is out there, it doesn't belong here."

Surrounded by Death?

Is this what my life is supposed to be like? That I am to be surrounded in death? I know it's what the future has asked of us but is it really a way to live? Jordan Collier had sent out a video message saying:

Unsafe and easy are what set us on the path to catastrophe in the first place. The chains of comfort are what keep us from reaching for a better world. This new era, it's not coming, it's not on the way. It's here. And we are now seperated from our old lives by a gulf that can never again be reached

Is this really the life I signed up for? My parents and sister have been taken away from me, a best friend was taken away (Eva Rollins), my cousin and her boyfriend (Jade & Ben), and now I have recently come to the discovery that three other of my best friends have been lost to Promicin: Eliaz X. Maer, Karen Giles, and Nina Jem Ferber. Eliaz and I had been friends since the 7th grade. I had met Karen & Nina in high school.

I am starting to loose hope. My mission was to set out and help the 4400 and Promicin Positives but how can I when I am becoming one who losses faith in the cause? And how am I to do my job at NTAC if I start to second guess myself?

Here are what the obituaries had to say

Eliaz X. Maer, age 18, was a bright and gifted young man. Majoring in business at community college, Maer was all ready on his way to the top. The words "quit" certainly were never in his vocabulary. In the fall of 2006, when his father had fallen ill and had to have a double bypass surgery, Eliaz took on his father's work while at the same time managing a part time job, keeping up good grades, and being active in a variety of school activities. "The guy never took a break," said a high school buddy of his. "He was the energizer bunny." Eliaz had gone to school with students Karen Giles and Nina Jem Ferber.

The police have made a statement in saying that the cause of Maer's death was the result of Promicin. Family have refused to comment any further, only saying that what their son did was "the work of Satan himself."

Karen Giles, age 18, died on Wednesday evening from taking Promicin. "It's our fault," explains her father. "She never said it but we drove her to taking that drug. I suggested that if she took Promicin maybe she would be even better. I never thought of the possibility she could die." Giles was an all star in track, making the Varsity track team her Sophomore year of high school. She was active in FCA, Youth for Christ, Acedemic Honor Society, Spanish Honor Society, as well as other organizations. Giles graduated with honors and was attending the University of Texas; her major was undecided.

Nina Jem Ferber, age 17, graduated from high school and was attending TCU and majoring in nursing. She managed to get Promicin from a fraternity party she had gone to on Wednesday night. Nina wasn't much of a social person; a few friends here and there but none she could really count on. "That's why she injected herself," said her roommate. "I think secretly she wanted to die." The friends that Ferber did have thought very highly of her but they too understood her reasons for wanting to take Promicin. "I have nothing against Promicin," said Mr. Ferber. "Our daughter did what she felt she had to do." Mrs. Ferber stated, "It's heartbreaking that she's gone, she was our daughter, how could it not be, but the moment Promicin was introduced to the world we knew she would be one to sign up for it."

Tragedy

I was called into my bosses office yesterday and she told me some unsettling news. They had a female brought in since she was caught distributing Promicin. This female had a list of names which she handed the Promicin to and on that lists were the names of my cousin and soon to be cousin-in-law.

My boss asked if I knew anything about it and I responded honestly by saying I did but that it was not my place to do anything about it free will states that no one has the right to stop anyone else from taking Promicin and because I wasn't on the job at the time when I found out, that I had no legal duty to say anything. I told my boss that I had warned them of the risks and that I told them taking Promicin might be a bad idea for them considering what they had to lose but that in the end the decision wasn't up to me.

My boss looked at me. She said nothing but by reading her thoughts I knew that she felt I had made the wrong decision in not confiscating the Promicin. To each is own.

Instead my boss just looked at me sympathetically and right then I knew there was something wrong. She told me that a few NTAC agents were looking in to the people that were on the list and so they went to Jade's apartment only to have found her and Ben dead on the floor. The autopsy reported they had been dead for 24 hours.

I could not believe it. Then again, was I really surprised by it? I thought I was but at the same time I had this nagging feeling that something would not go right if they took it. I could have prevented this but I didn't.

Before leaving the office, I was given a letter. It was written by Ben. I took the envelope without saying anything and then went back to work. Home was the last place I wanted to be. I wanted to dive into my work and that's what I did until 11:45 pm. I could not deal with their deaths. And I still don't feel I'm ready to. The envelope with Ben's letter still sits in my office, under a bunch of paper work. I'm hoping I will forget about it so I don't have to read it but unfortunately I have to read it eventually. I can't just be stupid and throw it away without knowing his final words. When I have the strength to read it I will.

To make myself feel better I've been reminding myself of Jordan Collier's message: "The war of the future will be fought in the past." I have to believe that my friends died for a purpose. They were very well aware of the risks and they knew what they were doing. They knew the possibility of death lingered over head yet they were willing to take that risk. They were willing to sacrifice their lives for a greater cause. And that's what this world is asking of us now: that we step up to the plate: we either make a home run or we strike out. Everyone making home runs seems like a better idea but there must be a balance and some must strike out.

There will continue to be more deaths- that's unfortunate but it's what is asked of us if we are to prevent the terrible future from coming to pass.

Family Ties: Severed?

Well that's it then. My cousin Jade and her boyfriend, Ben, came over for dinner yesterday. They were able to meet Kai. We got to talking and they told us they were engaged. I was so happy for them. They had been high school sweethearts but at the same time I couldn't help but be a little nervous. The reason: They have made the decision to take Promicin.

I know that it's their lives and I should have no interference in it but these two are a newly engaged couple and I would hate for them to throw it away before they have the chance at being married to each other.

I had the guts to tell them that I knew they were wanting to take Promicin. I played it out cool instead of the way I had pictured in my mind (where I was going to become very angry at them.)

"You're not mad?" Jade asked me.

" A little," I replied. "But I can't interfere. This is your life, it's not mine. You guys have to understand something: ever since I left home, I have devoted myself to the cause- to helping other 4400's and Promicin Positives. I made it my mission after my family died, to continue on in their footsteps. I am always talking about how good the world is with Promicin Positives in it, always teaching classes when I can but it's different when it involves a family member. In this case, family members because Ben I have thought of you as a legitimate cousin since I first met you."

"Of coarse, we understand," replied Ben.

"Then you understand as to why I'm hesitant about the two of you taking it. Promicin can be a great gift if you know what you're doing but at the same time you have to fully know the risks as well as the responsibility that comes with it. Promicin isn't a game: you're making a life or death decision."

"We're ready for it," said Jade.

"Are you really? Look I don't want to sound like I'm trying to stop you because that is the last thing I want to do. I don't want to make myself become the bad guy in your eyes. I am just really concerned and I want you to be aware of the risks."

"Cove," said Ben, "This is the main reason we have come out there. We've been giving it a lot of thought for the past eight months. We do know what we're risking but we're ready for it."

I nodded. "Okay," was all I said. "Well in that case I'm not going to stop you and I'm not going to try to stop you. I just have one more thing before you go."

I went over to the desk and pulled four things from it. I handed one to Jade and one to Ben.

"One of them is a pamphlet that explains the risks of Promicin and the other talks about what to do should you get an ability. I hand them out at the seminars I go to. It would put me at ease knowing you have them with you."

"Thank you," said Jade.

We said our goodbyes and then the two of them left. I stood there standing, with Kai's arms drapped around me; afraid of the bad feeling I was getting within me.

Family Reunion

What are the odds that I would run into family here at my place of living? In my case pretty slim. I grew up in the desert and oddly enough a lot of my family members like it there. I was the only one desperate to complain so much that I would move some place where the sun rarely shines.

Today I was walking along island. Just me and Sei. Kai had to go to work. Up ahead I see two people about my age. They looked familiar but I didn't think it was possible. Sure enough, they saw me and the started walking up to me with smiles on their faces.

It was them! My cousin Jade Rene and her boyfriend, Ben Queen. I could not believe that they were here so I questioned them on it.

"This is awekward," I said to them. "Never would I have expected to see the two of you out here."

"We decided to give it a try," said Jade.

"Now who's following?" I replied with a grin.

My family wasn't really a tight nit one. My parents had brothers but they were never close to any of them despite living in the same place. Jade and I didn't meet until high school for the very first time (we never knew we were related). We tried to see how things would go but the awekward of it all was constantly there. By our Junior and Senior year we had begun making progress to the point where it was less creepy and we became close friends.

"So what are you doing out here?" I asked them. "I thought you were going to St. Mary's."

"We were," Ben replied

"But," Jade took over. "After your little nature project in english class where you related your life to that of Dr. Frankenstein , I couldn't get those Seattle pictures that you showed us out of my head. In the end we ultimately decided to come."

"So what do you plan to do now that you're here?"

"We both have enrolled at the community college so we'll start there and work our way on up," replied Ben.

"That's great," I replied.

"And what have you been up to?" Jade asked. "Since graduation, you just split. No goodbyes, no e-mails, nothing."

"I had to go- there was nothing left out there for me. And you know me, I've always complained that I hated it there too much. I always said I would get out and I did. As of now though I have a job as a Captain for one of the tour boating companies and I also have a job at NTAC."

"You're kidding!" said Ben.

"I wish I was. I'm just trying to do the right thing for both sides."

Ben didn't say anything but after reading his thoughts I grew a little on the defensive.

"You guys aren't thinking about trying anything are you? This place is a major hot zone and I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"You've always worried too much, Cove," said Jade.

I looked at Ben and at Jade. I was able to read their thoughts. Sei began growling and after reading Sei's thoughts I knew he was looking at their pockets. I looked to and I recognized the image.

"Then give me a reason not to worry."

Sei continued to growl and after a little mind reading I was able to tell him to stop and that I would deal with the situation when time called for it.

"Sorry about him," I appologized. "He must see something that doesn't belong."

"Is he okay?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, he's fine. He just doesn't like what he sees that's all."

"Cove, I'm your cousin, everything is cool."

I looked at Jade and Ben and just smiled. I didn't want to crack down on them right then and there. As an NTAC agent it would be my job to continue questioning and then arrest them but thankfully I had the day off so I decided to let it slide.

"You're right, everything is cool. Listen, why don't you guys come over for dinner later. We can talk some more and you'll be able to meet Kai."

"Yeah, that sounds great," replied Jade.

After that they went their own way and I went mine. Sei started talking to me and I replied in a whisper.

"I know they had Promicin. I'll handle it, I promise."

I picked up a stick and tossed it. Sei ran after it and then came back.

"Good boy," I said to him.

A Good Saturday

(written June 25th)

I love my weekend job. Reason: I get to take the boat out on whale watching tours. We had a great Saturday.

(taken from the whale report on the web):

June 23rd: The Island Explorer 3 found J-Pod foraging just south of False Bay.The Orca Whales were spread out over about one mile and were moving north. They changed direction and started heading south and we got some really nice looks at Blossom, J11. We also saw Ruffles, J1, further out and got the best looks at Samish with her offspring Riptide, Hy'shqa, and Suttles. Suttles was very playful with lots of tail-lobs and 2 great breaches!! We also got to see Harbor Seals, Harbor Porpoises, Rhinocerous Auklets, Pigeon Guillemots, Cormorants, and Bull Kelp!

I had a kid on Saturday- he must have been about 7 years old. He was on a trip with his two older brothers. He told me his whole story: After seeing the killer whales at Sea World in San Antonio about a year ago, he said his dream would be complete if he got to see them in the actual wild. His two brothers are both in law school and making good money so with their parents permission, they finally gave that dream to their little brother.

I had the speakers on loud enough to where the tourists could hear the orcas making their clicks and squeaks. I was at the controls when the kid came inside. He wanted to see what it was like and we got to talking. He just stood there quietly, listening to the sound of the orcas and that was when he asked me in the cutest, most innocent voice,

"What do you think they are saying?"I just smiled at him.

I didn't tell him what I thought. I told him what I knew. I told him that Ruffles was thinking of how great it is to be in the water and that he wouldn't want to be any place else. I told him that some of the young ones were laughing it up and having a great time. I told him that the orca, Suttles, wanted to give the boats something fun to see and so he did his breaches and had one heck of a time doing them.

The kid just looked at me and smiled and said, "Yeah that sounds cool. I want to believe that too." I smiled back at him.

I absolutely love my ability: To hear what animals are saying and thinking is just the best gift I could ask for.

The look on the boy's face was just priceless. Definately a moment to keep in my mind. To them what I say are just fun make believe stories but I know better. I've had adults come up and ask me the same question and I simply tell them. A lot of them are impressed by my "imagination".

Not only can I use my ability without any harm but at the same time I am giving people stories to take home with them. Could my life on this end be any greater?

Doing our Job

(written June 20th)
I have two main responsibilites in my life:
-Responsibility to NTAC
-Responsibility to the 4400 and Promicin Positives/takers

While I have set down some roots, I have not forgotten my mission to the latter.

My work partner was able to find out that Abe and I were buddies. He went back to the Eliot house to see if there was anything he could find and sure enough he found our old school year books. For a second I was afraid that he would turn me in since he now figured out that I was trying to help Abe escape (I dared not use my mind reading ability as a way of letting him keep his privacy.) Instead he did the complete opposite. He erased all of my photos from Abe's year books. He told me that once we got back he would erase Abe from all of mine.
"So how do you plan to get him out?" Roy asked.

*UPDATE*: I can now tell you that Abe Eliot is safely out of prison and out of town. We had to risk giving him Promicin so he could continue using his ability but at least it's better than taking the inhibitor. And at least now he can continue doing as much good in this world as he can should he happen to get caught again. And then next agents who handle his case might not be Promicin Positives.Will Roy and I get in trouble for what we have done? Possibly. Maybe it will be back to desk duty but it was worth saving one of our own. Even Roy admits that it felt good to put his ability to some use for the greater good! And now he has made a vow to help the Promicin Positives as well. If not for him then for his brother so his death can serve a purpose.

Abram Eliot

(written June 19th)

Let me give you a brief history on Eliot: He and I go way back. We met in middle school out of a common interest. We were in the same biology class and I had the book "Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones" on my desk. We got to talking and after that our lives were inseprable up until the time we graduated from the same high school. A lot of the best memories we had were spent at something Star Wars related: Fan Force meetings, Prequel Premiere festivals, opening day for Revenge of the Sith, and even a Star Wars celebration in California. We were always there for each other no matter what.

And now the world has changed. It has become darker than it once was now that legislation has been passed for Promicin and Promicin abilities to be illegal. Eliot and I communicate whenver we can but it has become less frequent than it once was. I miss it at times but unfortunately we have to sacrifice some things if it means protecting this world. Right now it's too dangerous to protect this world if all 4400s and Promicin positives come together- so for now we have to protect this world individually and without getting caught.

Now I am back home to my original roots and my friend and my brother has become one of the unlucky ones to have gotten caught.

I just hope that there is some way I can get him out of this mess without exposing my ability. That I am not ready for quite yet.

Hidden

(written June 14th)

It's been a while since I've used my abilities. I know that I should be practicing and working on it but it's hard to do. Not only did the legislation pass the ban of promicin but they have also included the no use of promicin induced abilities. How wrongful is that?

I feel that now without the use of my ability, that I am only half a person. I don't feel whole.

Lucky enough, people don't have an issue with me wearing the black glove. If anyone asks, I just tell them that I was attacked by a black bear last Friday (June 8th) while on a camping trip. If they ask to see the scar, I take off my glove and there it is: 4 slash marks from a bear's paw- deep wounds but still healing.

I could not go to the hospital for fear that if they ran blood tests then it would show the Promicin in my system. So instead, with some medical knowledge behind me, I was able to patch it all up as best as I could. The wound gives me a good excuse for wearing the glove. I guess that bear really did me a favor.

Sometimes it's still hard to believe that the legislation was passed, but what can we do? I have no solution and considering the job I have, it would be unjust to risk it. While I am a middle ground for NTAC and the 4400/Promicin takers, I have not been on the job long enough to find some kind of method that can put everyone on equal footing.I have been able to use my ability on some aspects but the most obvious part of my ability has to not be used at all.

I just hope that some day all of this can be overcome. But right now that's probably asking too much. Some day though, some day.

Kai's Story

(written June 10th)
I came home this morning from my retreat. My three hounds were the first to greet me at the door. I then asked them where Kai was and all at once they replied that he was in his room. I knocked first and then entered. Kai was awake but I could tell there was something wrong. I went over and sat on his bed.
"Hey, you okay?" I asked.
"I'm fine. It's just a little cold that's all," he replied.
"Do you need anything? Medicine, an ice pack-"
"No. It'll pass, I just need to regain my strength. Can you get me some tea at least?"
"Sure. I'll be right back."

After getting Kai's tea, I walked back into his room and he was sitting up- he seemed to be doing better within those few minutes. It was then that I saw the bandage, all ready drenched with fluid on his left arm.
"Kai, what's going on?"

He shook his head almost as if he was afraid to tell me. After a few seconds he began,"You know that cigarette mark I had on my arm?"
"Yeah, you said you got it from a friend who wasn't cool with you not smoking."
He nodded, "Well something strange is happening. Cove, I think my Promicin ability has finally begun to show itself."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I mean I always knew I had an ability but for some odd reason it was dormant. It started right after you left on your retreat. I saw this blue syrum which I thought was paint since I was doing that painting over there-" He pointed to a painting on his desk that showed a blue skyline.
"It wasn't the paint though was it?"
"No. That evening I took the dogs out for a walk to one of the nearby parks. There was a homeless guy just minding his own business except his left arm was amputated. Somehow we bumped into each other and his stump rubbed against my left arm. I didn't think anything of it because people bump into each other all the time. The next evening I went out to the same park to take the dogs on their walk and I saw the same man but he was different."
"How different?"
"There wasn't a stump- he had his whole arm back. It was weird. I thought that maybe he had just gotten a prostetic but that wasn't it. There was this young guy playing football and he didn't have his right hand. He wasn't watching where he was going and he bumped into my left arm. This morning I go out to the park to check on a huntch and I see the same guy with his right hand full and intact."
"Kai, this is amazing."
"I suppose. I did some lab tests on the syrum when I got home and there are strange chemical traces in them. It's cool and everything I guess but I can't shut it off. I tried creating some kind of stopper but the pressure was too much. I tried to seal it up with tap but that didn't work and now these sport bandages aren't working."
"It's okay we'll think of something."
"I hope so."
"Here, let me help you with getting a new gauze pad on."
"Thanks."
"I'm glad you told me."
"I promised you that there would be no more secrets between us and I meant it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Kai has the ability to heal amputees. That is such an amazing ability and considering all of the amputees there are in the world, I am sure that once he is able to control it, he will be able to do so much good in this world.

With all of the 4400 and Promicin takers out there who are wanting to do a good thing in this world, it makes me wonder why they hate us so much.

Getting a Handle on Things

(written June 8th)

In this past time, I have mentioned my ability but I have not fully discussed it. It has just always something that has been there since I developed after taking Promicin. I have not been using it as much as I should so I have not been able to have the practice in controlling it. I am still having to wear the black Anakin Skywalker glove on my hand because the part of my ability that stems from my hands has not been in full control.

I've been able to control the thoughts from the animals but sometimes controlling thoughts from human mammals is a whole other story.

Now that I am settled for a while and have a lot of spare time on my hands I thought it would be best if I were to take control of my ability instead of having it take control of me (we all know the damage it can cause of that happens).

I woke up at 2 a.m. this morning and began packing a backpack with the things I would need ( I was done around 3); leaving a note for Kai the moment I left since he was still asleep in his own room. And then I made my way down the marina. I'm really glad that my dad's boat was still there (he had bought one the moment he was returned since it would be a month since he would actually return home) and thankfully I had brought the keys with me.

I took the boat out to open waters in hopes of finding some sea life. Thankfully at three in the morning there weren't any boats out in the water. It was pure silence and darkness, the kind of meditative spot I felt I needed. It was then that I stopped the boat and anchored it, and got in the small raft that was tied to the boat.

I sat in the boat and gently closed my eyes- trying to concentrate on all that was around me: the birds in the distance, the sound of the waves and then I tried to tune in deeper. It took me about 15 minutes to finally find the sound I was looking for. I got out of the raft as quickly and quietly as possible and went to go turn on the speakers in the boat. I raised the volume to a good enough sound to where it wouldn't disturb anything. And then there it was: The sound of the orca whales.

I went back into the raft and closed my eyes again, as they got closer I could hear not only their squeeks but their thoughts as well. They were all around me and I could feel their presence. From the thoughts I gathered from them, they were thinking things like: 'She's a special one' and 'We like her'. They were even thinking of ordinary things like when they would find their next meal and when the next calves would be born and how many boats would see them in the day time when people went out on the whale watching tours.

I was able to open my eyes and still hear their thoughts. Then the most amazing thing happened. One of the young orcas popped his head up right next to my raft. It was still dark out but I could see them as clearly as I could in the day time. (I have no explaination for that but I'll learn from it). Nervously I took off my glove and then I was able to picture a large salmon. The young orca bobbed his head anxiously awaiting the snack and so I feed it to him and he went under. Another orca, an older female popped up and in my mind I was able to picture another salmon and it appeared in my hand. I tried it a third time except that it didn't work (I think because I was trying to go so fast so it stalled.) I was able to tell the orcas that it wasn't working anymore and they nodded and told me they understood. They told me that just like a young calf has to learn to hunt on their own, I too have to learn how to hunt on my own.

What they meant by that was you can be shown how to do something but it's up for you to practice and get the hang of it. I stayed with the orcas until dawn and then they told me they had to go. I told them that I hoped to see them again and their response was that I would get the chance. After they left, I put my glove back on and got out from the raft and started pulling up the anchor from the boat. I then made my way to an island surrounded by tons of trees. Maybe I will find some animals along the way since the forest is perfect for wildlife.

It's my plan to stay on this island for a couple of days so that way I can learn to harness my ability. Afterall I would not want some kind of food (weather it be fish or vegetable) to appear in my hand while I'm on the job at NTAC. And I don't think they will want me to wear my glove so it's my goal to get a handle on the ability before I start my new line of work. Overall, I would have to say that it's been a very satisfying morning and we'll see how the rest of the day goes!

Rollins: Victim of Promicin

(written June 7th)


This article was printed today in our local newspaper. It is the first casualty that has actually hit home for me other than the death of my parents. Ave Rollins and I went to high school together. Of all people, I had hoped that she would not be the one to take Promicin. I just did not want her to take that risk- but then again, I have no control over how a person lives. It's a very sad thing. And I will mourn her loss but at the same time I will keep her memory alive in the work that I do. What saddens me most about the article is how the media is portraying Promicin like it's as bad thing. There is so much negativity in it that because of it, my strength grows more into wanting to do everything in my power to continue helping the 4400 and the Promicin takers. I will not fail and I will continue on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rollins: Victim of Promicin

Ave Rollin's, a local in a small town in southwest Texas, died yesterday, June 6, 2007. The cause: Promicin.

Since the distribution of Promicin lead by cult leader, Jordan Collier, life seems to have gotten worse instead of better. Promicin is what gives the 4400 their abilities and now unfortunately the serum has reached nations world wide. The cost: There is a 50/50 chance of developing some kind of ability or dying within forty eight hours. As a result people have been dying left and right.

Ave Rollins is no exception. “I don’t understand,” said her mother. “Her life was so full; I don’t understand why my baby would take such an awful thing.” According to some of Rollin’s friends, they held onto the belief that she wanted an escape from her family. Her friend, Karen Giles was quoted by stating, “Her family held a tight leash. She was never allowed to go out with her friends much.” Another friend was quoted by saying, “She hated her family. They smashed her dreams of going off to college. She didn’t care about the risks. She just wanted a way out.”

And so, that’s what Promicin seems to have become: an exit strategy for those who feel they have nothing to loose. Are we to trust what Jordan Collier says is right in healing the future? Or are we too look upon the evidence at hand and flat out say that Promicin is not a healing hand but rather a terror of destruction?

An online journal was found by Ave Rollins. In her last entry she wrote:
- People risk their lives daily: Some by running into fires, the military on the front lines. My life is okay but just once I would like to know how it feels to take a risk. Promicin has given me that opportunity. Am I afraid of death- no. Death is natural and so I am ready for it. If I get an ability it will be even greater but no one knows when the odds are 50/50.

I myself have seen the syringes, I have seen up close and personal what Promicin looks like and I have tempted to take it myself but logic and fear is what always stops me. I will not be one of those who will jump and take that 50/50 risk. I have so much going for me, a great home and a great family that I am not one to throw it all away in an instant.

Ave Rollins death marks the twentieth death in this city that has resulted from Promicin. It’s evident that she will not be the last. People have gone from being skeptical to curious and so they put themselves at the very edge of deaths’ door. It has become an escape for some- their only chance at salvation. Yes there are some cases in which people develop abilities but the odds of death from an injection seem much higher than that of gaining some ability. In the end we all have a choice: And that’s the scary part.
- Erika M. Johnson

Extraordinary

(written June 6th)

" It's only human
To want to keep the world safe
To look into the future and save someone you love
To want to heal people's pain
It's only human
To want to change the world
To want want to be extraordinary
Extraordinary
To be extraordinary
It's only human to want to be extraordinary"

That seems to be the new and upcoming message to the world. The human is a very strange concept. We have wishes and dreams, we have fears and pains. As human we all want to be different than the rest. We want that one thing that makes us stand out. We don't want to be those hundreds of gold fish stuck in a pond and you can't tell one from the other.Promicin has given us that wish, or has it?

With each new idea, each new fad, you still have so many people following it. Sure the abilities are different and some closely resemble each other but so many people still continue to follow the same movement.

We've seen the movies, we've read the comic books- we all want to be like our heroes. Whether it be Superman, Batman, Spider-man, X-men, The Green Arrow, Wonder Woman or all the other countless superheroes. We all crave to some day be a super-hero.

Promicin has become a gift to mankind but that does not mean we should abuse it. It's not some candy that you can put in your mouth and then take it out if you don't like it. Once Promicin is injected, there is no taking it back out. In a sense, it's like going to the hospital: you can go in expecting to get better or instead of getting better you come out worse than when you went in (a nosocomial infection as they call it.)

I used to always dream of having a super power ever since I was a kid. Superman was my ultimate hero- bullets bounce off his chest, he can fly, he can run really fast, and he's an alien (how cool is that?!)

When my father returned, the dreams of wanting a super power disappeared. I began to understand the responsibility my father faced with his ability. I knew the risks he was taking every day just by stepping out the front door. I began to understand that this whole mission wasn't about wanting to be extraordinary, it was much deeper and it went further than that.

Promicin and the ability that comes with it takes so much responsibility and strength to handle. You put yourself at an even greater risk than before when you were just an ordinary human. You have to be ready to step up to the plate and play your game right otherwise if you aren't smart about it, you loose just like in anything else: if you don't study, you won't pass. If you don't practice, you won't do good at the next game. If you're not responsible with your ability then you could put not only yourself but everyone else at risk.

Promicin can be a good thing and I encourage people to take it *but* only if you are ready to handle the responsibility of it (the risks and the consequences and the intellegence)

Lost & Confused

(written June 5th)

I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do. I've been lost before but this time it's much different. You see when my father was killed, NTAC agents, Tom Baldwin & Diana Skouris came down personally to handle his case. Apparently their boss at the time, Nina Jarvis, was fascinated by the case of Heather Tobey and when it was found out that my father had a similar ability to hers, she liked how her agents handled Heather's case so she sent them over a thousand miles away from Seattle to handle my father's death, as well as the death of my mother and sister.

I remember the evening clearly, it was a few days later that they had begun to wrap up their investigation and they came to my house while I was packing things in boxes; unsure at the time about what to do with most of it since there was so much stuff. Well they came over and we had a lengthy chat. They knew that my father had used his ability on me and that because of it, because of the potential that I had in me that was released, they knew I was smarter than the average teenager my age.

We continued to talk and it was then that they offered me the job of becoming an NTAC agent, actually it was the suggestion of their boss, Nina Jarvis. It was May 7th, 2007- just a week before I took Promicin. They told me that should I decide to take the job then I would be more than welcome to it and that should I need time to decide, then the offer would stand on the table.

Even now I am still considering it. I have read the books they've given me, and I have taken the shooting practices, and I have even answered the tests. Now the only thing left to do is send them in. Yet I am still deciding.

Kai doesn't think it's such a great idea. He despises the government as well as NTAC. He thinks that the only thing that will come if I take this job is that it will end badly.I heard him the other night. He thought I was asleep in the bedroom but I wasn't. He was in the sitting room reading a book but I knew he wasn't reading. I was able to tune into his thoughts and they were so negative (I won't mention what they were here.)I love Kai with all my heart but I can't help but think that he will stop loving me should I decide to take the job. I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I have always followed my instincts and they have lead me on the right path.

Right now there are two paths to take: on one of them my instincts are telling me to take the job at NTAC but on the other path a part of me can't help but think that I should reject the job so I don't disappoint Kai.What am I suppose to do?(and since when did I become one of those girls who gives up her life for a guy? Then again, Kai did give up his life to be with me so maybe I should be considerate and do the same thing for him.)

I want this job more than anything but at the same time I don't want to loose Kai either.