Directions

I went into NTAC today and sure enough my boss reinstated me. You'd think I'd be happy about it and maybe I would be if the circumstances were different. I said thank you to my boss and then went to my office. Ray was out in the field so I was fortunate enough to close the door and put my head down on the desk for a while.

I have come to a fork in the road and I'm not sure which path to take.

Last night, Jordan Collier made an announcement on tv. There were some things that he said that really captured my attention such as these two critical statements:

"For too long those of us with special gifts, 4400s and non-4400s have had to conceal our abilities. The time for hiding is over and the time for miracles has begun."

"For those willing to join us, we welcome you. All you need is an ability and the willingness to be apart of a miracle."

I work for NTAC so there are times that I forget that I am also a Promicin Positive. I love my job, I really do but is this what my father would have wanted of me? To enforce the laws and arrest other P.Positives? I thought that by working at NTAC, I could somehow be a bridge between NTAC and 4400s/P.Positives but now I'm not so sure. What have I done that constitutes as merits for both sides?

Jordan's message last night, really made me see things in a different way. It made me want to help out his cause. He has been here in Seattle for a while and as much as I had wanted to find him in the past, now here's my chance and instead I hide away. I hide behind the wall that is NTAC.

Ever since I first developed my ability, all I have been doing is using it for my personal use and on a recreational basis but I've never really made a difference with it. Now I'm starting to think the time has come to come out from behind the wall.

The only dilema is: if I do decide to help Collier what will happen to my future at NTAC? If Jordan Collier is one of the good guys, which I believe he is, what does that make the government? And most importantly what does it make NTAC? If I go through with this can I give it the old cloak and dagger routine where I end up having a double identity? I'm no superhero so how would that even work?

I talked to Diana Skouris last night. She told me what her daughter Maia had done. In a way I was proud of what Maia did. She's just a little kid yet she had more courage than I could ever hope to have. Diana understands my position and unfortunately this is a choice I must make on my own. It's easy for her to talk to Maia about all of this because she's her daughter- I'm just a neighbor and friend. Sometimes I wish I still had my parents around to help point me in the right direction. The closest person I have in my life at the moment is Diana Skouris since I see her on an everyday basis but there is only so much she can do in the advice giving field. I appreciate her for doing her best and I am grateful that she has been there. Not even Kai can help since he's so far away.

I have some idea as to what I want to do but what I want and what I have to do are two different things. I will see how the day goes at NTAC and then just maybe things will seem much clearer. I just have to ask myself: If I decide to follow Collier, am I ready to give up my career as an NTAC agent?