Mists of the Summer Sea

The sun is going down, there is a small breeze and a duck floating on by. As I sit here by the water, I contemplate on my life. I took Promicin as a way to continue on with my father's work but with these constant changes being made by Jordan Collier and his non-blood son, Kyle Baldwin, the work I sought out only seems further away. His work seems to have become lost, "lost forever in the mists of the Summer Sea" as the saying goes in the book "The Mists of Avalon" by Marion Zimmer Bradley.

I feel that somewhere along the way of this journey, I have lost myself. I too feel that I am "lost forever in the mists of the Summer Sea." I was out on an assignment from Jordan Collier on August 16th and I was to return that Saturday. I did not. I no longer feel myself apart of the movement as I once did. I admire Jordan Collier but now I'm starting to question things, Kyle Baldwin and his ability in particular. While I was no in Promise City at these directed times, my sources have told me terrible things. They tell me that Kyle's ability wants to get Shawn out of the race and to stop him and Kevin Burkhoff from continuing with their project on finding a way who can develop abilities and who cannot. My sources tell me that Cassie's tone was full of evil and despise and hatred. They tell me that there is something not right: with the entire movement. On my own, now that my ability has very much advanced, I have been witness to some of this.

I have now decided that it's time for me to go back to NTAC. I made a rash decision in thinking that I could go off and join Jordan Collier and his new religion. I have a God and it is not Collier, he to me is not a messiah no matter what people may think. Going back to NTAC won't be an easy task. I will be questioned and detained. I will be given the inhibitor. Now there's the question, am I really willing to risk taking a shot that can supress my Promicin ability? To be honest that answer is no. I took Promicin and it is going to be in my system for the rest of my life, there is no going back to when I didn't take the shot. I have to gain back the trust of NTAC and if I have to take the inhibitor to do so then I see I have no choice. I am tired of being "lost forever in the mists of the Summer Sea." My mind has been cleared and my priorities are now my own and I feel that working at NTAC is what I must go back to do. The movement is getting too heated and I need to distance myself from the flames.

Will other 4400s and P+ see me as a traitor? No. And I tell you why, I have a friend who has the ability of getting rid of your identity to the rest of the world. No other 4400s or P+ will know that I have ever been to Promise City. To them I'm just another face in the crowd.

If this is true, then why you ask, am I willing to go into NTAC with them knowing who I am? It's simple- it's the right thing to do. With them I am ready to live up to the consequences. The only difference is that by betraying the 4400 & P+, those consequences could have a deadly effect should someone decide to use their ability on me. There is no death sentence over my head at NTAC.

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood

I know I haven't been around much. I appologize for that. Things have just gotten more complicated in my life. Jordan Collier sent me away from Promise City as a way that I might be able to do some good and talk to people about his and Kyle Baldwin's message.

As expected, very few people disagree with Collier and what he's trying to do. As a result I have had to keep a low profile now that I am on NTAC's radar (maybe I shouldn't have quit afterall) There have been a few wins though as there are some people whom I've been able to convince to go to Promise City, people with abilities.

I have been using my ability cautiously. The animals have been very helpful and with my telepath ability, I've been able to uncover some very interesting news. I met with Imroth (the guy who my ex-coworkers) belived to have been one of "The Marked". Getting into his mind has been quite valuable though I cannot say more than that. What I can say is that my ex-coworker is no longer who he seems to be.

On an upside, I ran into my husband, Kai! Turns out the military has no more use for him and so he has been going on his own here in the states to help those he can and fix their amputated limbs. I don't know why he would hide from me and not tell me that he was here. My guess is that the military wanted me to believe he was dead or MIA. Something has changed in him though, I don't know what it is. He seems so distant now, so closed off. Maybe with my ability I can figure out what's wrong.

I have to go now. My life has now taken another change so computer time will soon be limited. Collier has given me my next assignment and this one will be more dangerous than the previous ones.

PJ- The Theory Room Guy

Late this evening I was informed by Diana Skouris through an e-mail regarding one of the NTAC theory room guys, PJ.

From the details he had taken Promicin two months ago back when it was being introduced to the world. The ability he ended up with was that in the subconcious he could create virtual realities. Diana didn't give specifics but she did say that PJ had created a virtual game with a lot of the high stakes people involved with NTAC and the 4400.

(that would explain why I couldn't get in to see Collier, Kyle, or Isabelle today)

PJ got in a lot of trouble and unfortunately is being held at a prision cell at NTAC. I heard he tried to make a run for Promise City but he got caught.

I feel sad for PJ. He had taken Promicin and worked at NTAC without anyone knowing and now he must rot in a cell for who knows how long.

On some level, I am glad that I quit the job while I was ahead. I know Megan Doyle didn't like the fact that I was a P Positive and from her thoughts, she was getting set to toss me in the prison cell too, especially when she found out from Abram Eliot that I had helped him to escape the first time we had him in custody. It's better for me this way.

I just wish PJ luck despite his freedoms taken away. Clearly he will be given the Promicin Inhibitor and I feel terrible for him.

Do I blame NTAC or Skouris or Baldwin? No of coarse not. They are not the ones to blame. It's the central governments fault since they passed these lame laws in the first place.

Final Decision

Yesterday, August 4th, I finally came to a decision. I decided to join Jordan Collier and his cause.

All week I had been arresting Promicin Positives. One of the P+ I arrested was a friend of mine, Abram Eliot. I had caught him a while back and my partner and I helped him to escape. I couldn't look the other way this time. As I observed my actions of the past week, it all felt wrong. The job at NTAC wasn't what it used to be (at least for me). I thought going into this I could somehow become a bridge between NTAC & the 4400/P+ but it didn't turn out that way. I felt disgusted with what I was doing. So after work on Friday, I turned in my badge and my gun. I didn't tell my boss why I was quitting. I had told Diana Skouris the night before and while she didn't like my decision, she wouldn't question it or help me turn the other way.

I'm a P+ and it's time I do something about it.

Three things that were said by Jordan Collier stayed in my mind:

1.) Change is painful and comes with a cost.

2.) For too long those of us with special gifts, 4400s and non-4400s have had to conceal our abilities. The time for hiding is over and the time for miracles has begun.

3.) For those willing to join us, we welcome you. All you need is an ability and the willingness to be apart of a miracle.

I will no longer hide who I am. Whatever needs to get done or whatever task Collier or Kyle assign me I will do it. No more running from my destiny. No more hiding. I am a Promicin Positive and it's time I live up to who I am.